| Location | Croydon |
| Age | 0 |
| Date of Birth | 7/2005 |
| Date of Death | 7/2005 |
| Visitors | 2,229 since 13/03/2007 |
| Creator |
Cody-Ann Tucker
Born asleep on 03/07/2005
19 weeks gestation
Due on 8/11/2005
My Baby Girl (daughter)
Mummy & Daddy
Stillborn
Baby Peanut Tucker
Miscarried on 09/08/2007
8 weeks gestation
Due on 21/03/2008
I never thought i would ever get pregnant as it never seemed to happen then one day i started to
feel sick so my sis inlaw suggested taking a test and so i did, i never imagined it would be
possitive but it was so i took 2 more tests all with the same result POSITIVE.
We were so happy and excited, we couldnt wait to meet you u were so longed for and very very loved,
we saw you on our first scan and u were jumping all around like a little fish we were so happy we
bought scan pics for all the family, everyone was so happy for us they all said i would be a
brilliant mum and Andrew an excellent Dad.
I had no morning sickness or cravings just felt nauseous then we had our second scan we couldnt wait
to find out if you were a boy or girl so we could finally choose a name for my little bump, so
mummy, Daddy, aunty sarah & aunty sharon all bundled into the room waiting to see what sex u
were and that was when the nurse looked at me and said those dreaded words, "i'm sorry to
tell you your babys dead" i couldnt believe it we all started crying, your aunties ran out of
the room crying, mummy & daddy were then shown into another room and told that we would be taken
to the labour ward to take a tablet to induce labour, i didnt understand how this could happen and
now they wanted me to take a tablet which to me felt like they were taking my baby away, if you were
inside me you were still mine to keep but i had to take the tablet and come back in 3 days, that was
awful, i had to go home knowing my baby was dead inside me and that in a few days i had to give
birth. I cried so much, your poor daddy was heartbroken, we all were. So the time came to go into
hospital i was there for 13 half hours in labour and then you were born but i closed my eyes, i
wanted your daddy to see you first and he did we named you cody-ann as cody was the only name we
liked for a boy or girl then the chaplain of the hospital hilary fife came and blessed you we all
cried and we filmed it so we could watch it back someday then it was time to say goodbye and arrange
your funeral.
On 11th July 2005 we held your funeral at streatham crematorium, you had a lovely white coffin which
was pink on the inside, we put photos and teddys and a st christopher in your coffin with you, your
daddy & uncle lee carried your tiny little coffin into the church, we asked your cousin little
danny to right a poem which he read out and we asked aunty sarah to sing spice girls goodbye and
mummy & daddy placed a rose each on your coffin then the curtains were closed while eric
claptons tears in heaven played i sobbed my heart out.
We then went outside to the garden where daddy releassed a dove and i releassed a balloon and it was
there we said so long never goodbye.
You are our little butterfly angel who is now safe in heaven watching over us till we meet again,
you are loved so so so very very much and we miss you everyday and say goodnight to you every night.
sweet dreams our perfect little angel rest in peace love mummy & daddy xxxxx
To our 2nd angel Baby peanut we miss you so much, we thought this time would be different but sadly
it was not meant to be, play happily with ur sister and all the other angels, sweetdreams Peanut
love mummy & daddy xxxxxxx
I stood by your bed last night,
I came to have a peep.
I could see that you were crying,
you found it hard to sleep.
I looked at you softly
as you brushed away a tear,
'It's me, I haven't left you,
I'm well, I'm fine, I'm here.'
I was close to you at breakfast
I watched you pour your tea,
You were thinking of the many times,
your hands reached out to me.
I was with you at the shops today,
your arms were getting sore.
I longed to help with shopping,
I wish I could do more.
I was with you at my grave today
you tend it with such care.
I want to reassure you,
that I'm not lying there.
I walked with you towards the house,
as you fumbled for your key.
I gently put my hand on you,
I smiled and said 'it’s me.'
You looked so very tired
and sank into a chair.
I tried so hard to let you know,
that I was standing there.
It's possible for me to be
so near you everyday.
To say to you with certainty,
'I never went away.'
You sat there very quietly,
then smiled, I think you knew,
In the stillness of that evening,
I was very close to you.
The day is over...I smile
and watch you yawning,
and say 'goodnight, God bless,
I'll see you in the morning.'
And when the time is right for you
to cross the brief divide,
I'll rush across to greet you
and we'll stand, side by side.
I have so many things to show you,
there is so much to see.
Be patient, live your journey out...
then come home to be with me.
I say, I'm pregnant.
You say, How wonderful, congratulations.
I think, You don't understand, I'm afraid.
You think, Good, soon she will be happy again.
I say, I'm afraid it might all happen again.
You say, Lightning won't strike twice, don't worry.
I think, Why ever not?
You think, She is just being paranoid,
The chances of it happening again are not very high.
I think, How can you understand how vulnerable I feel?
Since our baby died I have lost all naiveté
All belief in happy endings
All sense of trust in my body
I no longer believe that if I look after myself and the baby
That everything will be all right, after all that is what
I did last time and look what happened.
You can't fool me so easily again.
Of course I am happy about this pregnancy ....
Thrilled and of course I will look after myself and the baby (to the very best of my ability)
But I realise now the there are no guarantees.
So no words of comfort or encouragement that you can say Are enough for me.
I feel that I have bought a lottery ticket,
And you are congratulating me on getting the first prize Before the lottery is even drawn.
I prefer the wait and see approach.
I would appreciate it if you could try to understand how Vulnerable I feel and support me with your love, concern, And prayers during this pregnancy.
Be with me when I feel like talking just as you have been With me during my grief.
But don't offer me platitudes or statistics or comfort I've Had enough of them.
Instead offer me YOUR naiveté YOUR belief
In happy /endings.
You never know some of your optimism might rub off.....
On me!
888888_________88888 8_
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888888__________8888 88_
_888888________88888 8__
__888888888888888888 ___
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__88888888888888888_ ___
_888888________88888 ___
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88888888888888888888 88_
88888888888888888888 88_
888888__________8888 88_
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______8888888888____ ________________
____888888888888888_ ________________
__888888822222228888 ________________
_8888882222222228888 8_______________
88888822222222222888 8822228888______
88888222222222222228 8222222222888___
88888222222222222222 22222222222288__
_8888822222222222222 222222222222_88_
__888882222222222222 22222222222__888
___88882222222222222 2222222222___888
____8888222222222222 222222222____888
_____888822222222222 2222222_____888_
______88822222222222 22222_____8888__
_______8888222222222 22______888888__
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___________888888888 XXX
Hope these help & bring some comfort.
Poems for parents.
My Mum is a survivor,
Or so I've heard it said.
But I can hear her crying at night,
When all others are in bed.
I watch her lay awake at night,
And go to hold her hand.
She doesn't know I'm with her,
To help her understand.
But like the sands on the beach,
That never wash away...
I watch over my surviving mum,
Who thinks of me each day.
She wears a smile for others...
A smile of disguise!
But through Heaven's door I see,
Tears flowing from her eyes.
My mum tries to cope with death,
To keep my memory alive.
But anyone who knows her knows,
It is her way to survive.
As I watch over my surviving mum,
Through Heaven's open door...
I try to tell her that angels,
Protect me forevermore.
I know that doesn't help her...
Or ease the burden she bears.
So if you get a chance, go visit her...
And show her that you care.
For no matter what she says...
No matter what she feels,
My surviving mum has a broken heart,
That time won't ever heal.
*************************
A Dad Hurts Too
People don't always see the tears a dad cries,
His heart is broken too when his child dies.
He tries to hold it together and be strong,
Even though his world's gone wrong.
He holds his partner as her tears fall,
Comforts her through it all,
He goes through his day doing what he's supposed to do,
But a piece of his heart has been ripped away too.
So when he's alone he lets out his pain,
And his tears come like falling rain,
His world has crashed in around him,
And a world that was once bright has gone dim.
He feels he has to be strong for others,
But Dads hurt too, not just the Mothers,
He searches for answers but none are to be found,
He hides behind a mask when he is feeling down.
He smiles through his tears,
He struggles and holds in his fears,
But what you see on the outside is not always real,
Men don't always show how they really feel.
So I'd like to ask a favor of you,
The next time you see a mother hurting
over the loss of her child,
please remember.....a Dad hurts too.
so sorry
hi we are so sorry for your loss i to have lost three people who loved dearly. I know what you are going through I could never think of the pain that you must be going through now but she is safe in heaven now and she is watching down on you and is watching how brave you are being and i hope you get through it and i know it in my heart that she would of loved you dearly and i am sure you both would have been very good parents to your little angle
from The Spa Angles (Kayleigh)
I can't change what you are going through,
I have no words to make a difference
no answers, or solutions to make things easier for you
But if it helps in any way I want to say I care
Please know that even when you're lonely
You're not alone
I'll be here, supporting you with my thoughts
Cheering for you with all my strength
Praying for you with all my heart.
For whatever you need, for as long as it takes
Lean on my love.
Keep your heart beating with the loving memories, and believe in yourself to help guide you through, Know that although life moves on, the beauty of love stays behind to surround and embrace you. Your loved ones have left you that.....to hold in your heart forever
Hi lisa
Its not as easy as that with nat and i wont be giving her baby all the love ive given chloe and the way i feel i never will.
Nat was there for me with jamie and she was really good this time she hasnt been there for me at all i would never wish on anybody to go through this i really wouldnt i want my sis to have her baby and be happy but i just dont feel i can be part of it and i could never give her baby the love i would give my angels things are so diffrent now lisa i feel so strong about it maybe i might change my mind in time but at the mo i can feel me and nat parting and im not doing noting to stop that as i dont feel i can..
Its to hard to just be happy about it it really is.
Nat lied to me alot lisa when she was preg she said to me how she could never have another baby as ive scared her to much but she knew she was pregnant it dont make sence.
They have hurt us so much so thats life and i feel very strong about it..
Most people can see where i am coming from as ive explaned to them everything thats happened.
Take care hun x x
Hi lisa.
Have arranged jamies memoral service for sunday 8th july at 3 pm i just have to go to the chaplin on the 13th june to arrange poems and anything i want to be read out so i gotta get all the poems sorted out as i have been given so many lovely ones on this site it will be so hard to choose the ones i would like for jamie.
It will be leena who will be doing my service as she done jamies blessing and funeral for me so she knows more about me so i surpose it is best really.
Your mum has told leena that i also lost baby bean so she was really lovely to me as always.
i have emailed you hilarys addy hope you have got it hun.
Me and dan are not to bad just argueing alot as i been really low and taking it all out on him i just dunno what i want from my life anymore life seems so hard all i want is a baby but i cant have it yet so i need to think about myself for a while.
Im looking for a job at the mo first step to making me feel better as i wont have so much time on my hands to think about a baby.
We are going to try again in sep if we are still 2getha but i cant see that happening right now.
As you know natalie is pregnant and that is really hard for me to accept at the mo as she is due 3 days before i was due with baby bean i cant face talking about people being pregnant let alone my sister or hear about scans it makes me feel well upset so i dunno how i will cope with nat having baby it's just so hard everytime i hear nat talking to someone about it i just walk out the room i think this is gonna break us abit as it's prob hard for her too so i rather not see her that much anymore.
I just cant wait for all the bleeding to stop and the pain as i still in loads of pain :-(
I hope you are ok hun x x
Life was a gift
That you didn't receive
I loved you more
Than you'd ever believe
Talking to you
As i turn out the light ' I love, you know? I miss you goodnight'
Now you are living
In a world up above
I can't see you or touch you
But I give you my love
The angel up there
Who's hand that you hold
She'll be watching you for me
Until its my hand you hold
I'll see you one day
When we meet in the sky
'This hello is forever, never again a goodbye'
The pain I remember
Of letting you go
I think of you always 'I Love You, You Know
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